Moving on

Given my basic set up and the fact that I'm in Russia, my blog has all been moved.  If you wish to read it, assuming anyone reads any of this, you can read it here.

Computer Trials

Praise God we have a new computer. Our last one just died one day. Well, it has been dying a slow death for a while, but it kept working so we though we could make it last to summer. But then it finally wouldn't turn on. Fortunately we got a loner for a bit, and now purchased a new Toshiba from a guy who had picked it up for a friend and then the friend didn't need it. It's pretty good, but it's a Vista box, so I'm having some adjustments. My pet peeves so far are as follows:

Interface change:
Okay, this is actually minor, as I can adjust, but it really irritates me. There are all sorts of things that I've gotten used to Windows doing things a certain way since 98, often with little change even through XP, and now it's totally different with Vista. For instance, with most computers I run msconfig and enable selective startup and start unchecking the 10,000 pre-loaded, processor and memory eating programs I really don't need. Well, it took me 10 minutes to look for the run command. Finally what I did was change the start menu to "Classic View" and used the run command there. I still don't know where the new menu has the run command. I'm sure I'll get over this hurdle, but it really annoys me right now.

Memory Usage:
Major beef here. After I disabled and/or uninstalled lots of junk that comes pre-installed on the computer, the system still uses 700 MB of RAM. Basically, with my current 1Gig RAM setup vs my XP box, I have 1/2 the RAM for practical purposes. I'm pretty sure this is pretty much doo-dad, ease of use, visual effect stuff, of which Vista has lots, and it's very pretty. But I'm a bare bones sort of person. I don't want flashy, I want functional. In fact, an austere operating system is better in my opinion. I have things I'd much rather take up those functions other than these stupid doo-dads. So this practical slowdown of my system really, really irritates me.

Windows Defender:
ARGH! Now, I understand the purpose, something that Microsoft has long been the target for, hacking, etc, is now being dealt with. But it comes at a major frustration to me. Installing something really pretty much looks like this,
I download the program, and run it. Windows defender pops up, and asks if I want to run the program. Here's the dialog that follows.
Me: Yes, of course, I clicked it didn't I?!
Windows Defender: It is trying to change the registry, allow?
Me: YES!
WD: I don't think so, what if it hurts your computer?
Me: It's adobe flash player, Adobe has invested interest in NOT hurting my PC!
WD: No, I think you're a hacker trying to hurt my system.
Me: What? I just bought this thing.
WD: That's exactly what a hacker would say.
Me: Okay, can I disable you?
WD: Hacker detected, police contacted. Put your hands on your head and get down on the ground. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, if you do say anything, it can be used against you in a court of law.
Me: Okay, this is like some weird twilight zone bit.

Okay, maybe that's a little over the top, but I'm sure after the first service pack or two, it'll get there. It's seriously beginning to irritate me that I can't even run my own programs without being asked 2 or 3 times.

Bad Customer Relations

It's an amazing thing. I just spent an hour on the phone booking tickets to the states. Not only was the price outrageous, but I finally managed to get tickets at just over $3000 dollars, 300 more a ticket than I've ever paid. This is probably due to the 'visa panic' cause by a terribly enacted law that requires a lot of things, including foreigners having to return to their own home countries, no longer can we hop on over to Lithunania.

But that wasn't the worst of it. No, you see, the airline we ended up with required a paper ticket. So, I had to get it delivered ($40 FedEx). I repeatedly had to tell them "NO! Not the billing address! I need it delivered to Moscow." Like I would order tickets from Moscow to the US when I was already in the US. GAH!

It gets better. I was told I had to call back Monday because ticket issuing agency was closed. So, I called back, gave them the same information, again, which they apparently didn't save the previous two times I gave it to them. They finally confirmed it with me as being shipped to moscow, and arriving on Wednesday. That same night, 3 hours later, my father calls to tell me he received the tickets. And, it's now thursday and I have no tickets... My dad is going to have to UPS the tickets here, and Travelocity is about to get a nasty call and/or e-mail from me.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Quotes of the...well, you know, whenever

"They're stealing my heat and converting it into evil." -Starslip Crisis

"It's narrower but wider." -My aunt

"It's like, you know, a van ride." -Youth in my mother's youth group

"I'm not arrogant because she said I'm handsome, I'm arrogant because I am handsome." -Me

Life and Death

Someone we know recently told us about some problem with their church. It was something that really got them down, a sense of apathy among the members. No, not so much an "I don't care" attitude but a "I'm fine right here" attitude. It's very discouraging for them, and I can understand why. Imagine at the age of 10 stating you were fine where you were and never going to grow any, develop any, change any. That's about what that amounts to, staying perpetually as a child. Because that's where we are, we are children, and to simply want to stay where you're at is not wanting to grow.

The sad thing is, this is one of the reasons I like being here in Russia, there's no "meh" Christians here. Here, you are in the midst of the spiritual fight, and you have to fight or die. And this experience is so hard, that it makes you know you are alive. There's no apathy here, because apathy is death in a real spiritual sense. You have to hold on with all you're worth, and you know that each second you fight it's a sense of being truly alive.

Admittedly struggling constantly means hurting, crying, and nearly despairing. You often feel beaten to the end of your life, and all that's holding you up is a thread. I would be lying to you if I said this is fun, that I enjoy it. But the oppurtunity this presents is amazing! You see, when you're that far down, you see your only choice: God taking over. And you depend on God so much here, that you really grow. Growth is painful, to be sure, more painful than I can properly articulate. But it's worth it. And where God has called me to be is where I can both serve best and grow best.

That is why I am here. Because I am called, and there is purpose in His plans for me.

Truth

A recent discussion along with reading of Josh McDowell’s “Right from Wrong” brought something interesting to my mind. That is the inherent hypocrisy that relativists have, and yet don’t realize it. Relativists believe there is no absolute truth, and seem to almost thrive on arguing that with anyone. Yet, for them believe that there are two problems inherent in relativism. First, to believe that there is no absolute truth is contradicting, because you are in fact believing in an absolute truth…that there is no absolute truth. My mind kind of rebels over that, being that it’s circular, and self-contradicting, but that’s how it is. To believe there is no absolute truth is to acknowledge that you believe something that applies to everyone everywhere, that is, there is nothing that is true for everyone, what is true for that person may not be true for another, which is an inherent belief in a contradictory absolute.

The second fallacy is that a relativist can not debate someone and maintain their position. You see, if you truly believe in relative truth, then you can not ever say the other person is wrong. After all, you believe in relative truth, so I am right for me. You can never say someone else is wrong, lest you contradict yourself, because to state so is to say some other form of truth that is absolute. If I believe you’re wrong, you can’t even argue with me there, because that may be what’s true to me. You can’t argue tolerance, because intolerance for others could be my truth. You see what I’m getting at?

No one truly believes in relative morality, they just like to argue it. In practice, most everyone believes in some sort of absolute truth, if only “Live and let live,” which seems to be what most people really mean by relative truth and morality. And if you disagree, you can't argue with me, because this is true to me! :P

Following

I am currently facing large questions about God's call for my life in the immediate future. These questions arise not because of doubting God's call, so much as the arise from the questions in the details involved. There are things about the calling I feel that make me doubtful that make it difficult to bare. And yet I am certain that it is the right way.

I am reminded of a saying my sister once had on her bedroom wall. "What is right is not always easy, but it is always right!" I have come up with my own similar saying "Following God is rarely easy, but it's with God." And it is so true. It is sometimes hard to follow the Lord's will. Largely the difficulty comes, to me, in the form of my understanding. You see, my understanding why I do something is not always required in my life following after God. And that scares me sometimes. But God reminds me of Job, suffering, beaten down by Satan. All he wants to do is vindicate himself before God in front of his friends. And the whole time I'm reading thinking, "Go on, God, explain it to him, let him know what a great thing he has shown by showing up Satan." Instead, God tells him off for thinking to question His sovereignty. And...I'm left humbled. You see, God doesn't require my comprehension, He requires that I commit to Him and His will. And time and again it's shown to be the absolute best way.

He also reminds me that He truly does know best, and that to seek Him I must throw off my fears and hopes in anything but Him. That is the beauty of it, to me. I must give it all up, and I gain more than I could ahve imagined. By seeking I don't mean the casual," ho hum, yeah, whatever you want God...as long as it involves me marrying a hot chick." Or whatever else, you know what I mean, putting these plans together and claiming you're trusting in God. Now I'm not saying plans are bad, I'm saying that we all to often make plans, then claim they're God's will and anything that deviates from them can't be God's will because they're not part of the plan.

God's will is not a mystical secrecy that we don't get to see, despite the way our attitudes seem to be. God wishes us to know His will, but the problem is that we don't really want to know it. God isn't some fortune teller to answer questions about whatever items we wish. Rather he is "a lamp to our feet" which reveals the next few steps. Think of it, He does reveal the next few steps, but not the context. We are in the dark about our lives and its grand meaning, and God never promises us to understand it. Rather, He promises that we can trust Him, and that though we can't see the way or what's around us, He will lead us to the best thing in the end. We want to know where we should buy our home next year, but God is trying to get us to focus on the guy accross the office. We want to know who we will marry, but God wants to show us where best to focus our ministry.

These things go again any man's nature, or at the very least, mine. We want to know. We want to be confident and secure, independent and strong. But to trust God and truly get the good stuff, we have to be dependent and weak, and it sometimes is down right scary. But in the end, my life isn't worth beans if its in my hands, because I am weak compared to a massive world of which Satan is the prince. I must follow God and put my faith in Him, or there's nothing left for me.