Life and Death

Someone we know recently told us about some problem with their church. It was something that really got them down, a sense of apathy among the members. No, not so much an "I don't care" attitude but a "I'm fine right here" attitude. It's very discouraging for them, and I can understand why. Imagine at the age of 10 stating you were fine where you were and never going to grow any, develop any, change any. That's about what that amounts to, staying perpetually as a child. Because that's where we are, we are children, and to simply want to stay where you're at is not wanting to grow.

The sad thing is, this is one of the reasons I like being here in Russia, there's no "meh" Christians here. Here, you are in the midst of the spiritual fight, and you have to fight or die. And this experience is so hard, that it makes you know you are alive. There's no apathy here, because apathy is death in a real spiritual sense. You have to hold on with all you're worth, and you know that each second you fight it's a sense of being truly alive.

Admittedly struggling constantly means hurting, crying, and nearly despairing. You often feel beaten to the end of your life, and all that's holding you up is a thread. I would be lying to you if I said this is fun, that I enjoy it. But the oppurtunity this presents is amazing! You see, when you're that far down, you see your only choice: God taking over. And you depend on God so much here, that you really grow. Growth is painful, to be sure, more painful than I can properly articulate. But it's worth it. And where God has called me to be is where I can both serve best and grow best.

That is why I am here. Because I am called, and there is purpose in His plans for me.